Best friends. Friends forever.

Posted on 06/11/2009 11:57 am by Kristina

The Onion provides some pretty decent humor, but this article by far takes grand prize. Basically it highlights a girl’s perspective on a close male friend wanting to become more than that, although in a cynical, sarcastic, and slightly mean way I have to admit. Being a computer science major, I’m generally smothered by guys in my major since I’m one of the few girls in it. This article really hits home for some of its points.

Ladder Theory

I’ve always been interested in the whole “friend zone” theory that seems to come up between males and females. I had thought it was just pop culture, something that wasn’t taken into sociological perspective, but I recently stumbled upon something called the ladder theory. Albeit, its impossible to determine if real research has been done, or if this is just the jealous and sexist ramblings of some scorned male, but looking at the basics, its interesting enough. It basically goes over that guys have a single ladder that they place females on, in order of which they find more attractive (at the top) to those that they would never want to be with (at the bottom). Women on the other hand, have two different ladders. One is strictly for male friends, while the other is filled with “potentials.” According to the ladder theory, initial placement on a ladder is judged on early impressions of the individual. Not to say that their placement could change, but apparently it is quite difficult to go from being on the “friends” ladder to the “potential” ladder. Even those at the top of the “friend” ladder who make it over to the potentials seem to placed at the bottom rung of the “potential” ladder.

Talking with other girls that I know, it is ridiculously hard to switch perspectives of a guy from being just a friend to being more than a friend without an initial attraction perspective. I think it depends more on the initial emotional reaction. Even if it is a bad reaction, i.e. hating each other at first sight, there was enough of a response in order to ingrain that guy in her mind. That’s probably the reason behind the opposites attract or “there’s a fine line between love and hate” theories.

After seeing all the comments on Digg about this article from what I presume to be a mass amount of scorned guys (though some seemed to have learned something from their experiences rather than blame it all completely on the girl), apparently the best way to counter being placed on the “friend” ladder is to be up front with your intentions. Trying to force your way off of the “friend” ladder once you’ve been placed on it is extremely difficult and may actually lead guys to being placed lower on the “friend” ladder. Hence the “I just want to be friends” talk and then never hearing from the girl again. (Or in my case, I say I want to be just friends and I never hear from the guy again even though I try to talk with them).

I’m not saying I agree or disagree with any of this, but the Onion article certainly has some sarcastic truths in it. Of course, this could all just be sexist bullshit aimed to screw women over. I could see that too.

 

So Long, Farewell!

Posted on 05/31/2009 06:46 pm by Kristina

Its the final stretch! Only two more weeks left of school, one of them being finals so its not as if we are learning anything more after this week. I’m glad to know that its almost over. I’ll be moving to San Diego in the middle of June to start my internship at a software company and I’ve never been happier. Its hilarious though because they’ve provided me a “mobility advisor” to help me move and give me details on the benefits and compensation I’ll be receiving because of the move. Its only an hour and a half trip to San Diego from where I live, but looks like they’re covering gas and food on the way. When I told her this, she just said, “Well, eat a big lunch then or something,” since I get $35 per day for food. Oh the joys of working for a real company, or as one of the coaches at the ice rink I work at put it, my “big girl” job.

One of my friends from work is also moving away near the end of summer because she’s going to grad school and we were talking about the costs of living in a place that you know you’ll be leaving soon. I really need to learn how to let go of my horrible on and off crush here in my hometown. He’s always been there at the back of my mind since I was in middle school, a fleeting thing that shows up unexpectedly as he does. Its strange because you feel like you want to date around and have fun while you’re still here, but on the other hand it almost seems as if its not worth the time and effort. Even if something were to happen (which its not), there’s just no point in having anything for a two week span or a two month span. Then again, its something that I’ve, for lack of a better word, “fantasized” about for years and for some reason I don’t feel as if I’d regret it no matter how short the span of time we would be together. Oh cruel world.

In light of the fact that I’ll be down in San Diego over the summer, my parents felt that it was the time to replace my old car that was sold about a year ago. I ended up getting a brand new 09 Toyota Camry (not my exact car, but you get the idea). I had wanted it in a dark grey color, but for some reason that would have cost about $2,000 more which is completely not worth it for a color. The red has definitely grown on me though, its not exactly the sports car red that you see normally, but a more metallic kind. Probably my favorite part about the car is the auxiliary jack that I can just plug my iPod into now. No more troublesome FM tuners anymore!

 

Who is that girl I see?

Posted on 05/11/2009 11:50 pm by Kristina

Today I decided that I would appease the little Asian girl in me that’s still in love with Disney and watch Mulan. As much as its such a children’s movie with its overly ridiculously happy ending, its amazing to see some of the parallels between the main character and myself. Sure, joke all you want about the obvious cultural similarities, but frankly, its the truth. Mulan is severely concerned with “honoring her family” and while it might not exactly be worded the same, it was still a significant part of my life to always do my best and please the family.

Though her troubles were more involved with finding a suitable husband, mine were extremely dedicated towards the perfect academic life. I remember once when I received a C on a progress report after not doing so well on one test in the one subject that still upsets me to this day, my mom literally called me and told me to come home at once (I was visiting my old elementary school teachers since it was senior year and I was being nostalgic). She proceeded to grow more and more upset with me, telling me that I was a terrible child and that she didn’t know where she went wrong with me. I eventually ended up pulling up the grade like I knew I would, but to this day, that memory still haunts me about how perfect I was expected to be. What’s funny to me is that I was announced valedictorian months earlier, but none of that appeased my mother. Even at the top of the class, there was always something else I could do to be better, to achieve even greater perfection.

I remember looking in the mirror that day wondering who I was anymore. I hated myself, hated that I couldn’t the perfect daughter my mother so desperately wanted. I know that this mental obsession has probably brought me more harm than good, rendering me a complete emotional wreck when I can’t seem to understand a subject no matter how hard I try. Even to this day its a struggle to get past the idea that there are somethings I won’t ever be able to understand or fully comprehend and that that’s okay. Its hard for me to acknowledge the fact that sometimes my best will never be good enough. It makes me wonder how people can push through adversity and still triumph, whereas I hit a tiny bump in my academic roller coaster and I come crashing down. I hope that someday I’ll be able to get over this, but for now I’ll just have to take things one test at a time.

Can it be
I’m not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly to be myself
I would break my family’s heart.

 
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